Squidward's New Nose
by zxcraous
Summary: Squidward gets a new nose. Will he be pleased with the results? Yes, this story is complete.


It was very stormy outside. The thunder roared like a sea bear and lightning created a cool light show. I was relaxing at home. Specifically, I was painting in my gallery. Like usual, I was making a self portrait, but my looks were always so hard to capture.

"If only I didn't have this large nose . . ." I critiqued.

Then, an amazing thought entered my head: having a normal nose. _The ladies would be all over me,_ I grinned. So, to change things up a bit, I sketched my dream nose. _Maybe a nose more like Spongebob's would do . . ._ My mind went to work. Suddenly, there was a knock on the gallery window.

"HEY SQUIDWARD!" it was him.

"What do you want, Spongebob? It's raining outside!"

"I wanted to know what you were doing with that paintbrush."

"What does it look like?"

"It looks like you're holding a paintbrush in your gallery . . ."

"I'M PAINTING!"

"Oh, that's what you meant! You said, 'what does it look like' and I thought you meant-"

"I get it. Now, get out!"

Knowing Spongebob, he didn't leave. For ten minutes, he watched me paint. Finally, I got freaked out, "Can you not stare like that?"

"Sorry," his meaning of "not staring like that" was to stare while spinning.

"SPONGEBOB! YOU'RE GOING TO KNOCK INTO SOMETHING!"

Well, I was right. Afterwards, the majority of my portraits were sprawled on the floor. "GET OUT!"

Again, the sponge didn't listen.

He gasped when he looked closely at the portrait-in-progress, "Why did you change your nose? Yours is awesome!"

Spongebob touched my nose which made it swing back and forth.

"I _hate_ this lesion of a nose!"

"Squidward, _hate_ is a strong word. Your nose is _unique_!"

"Fine, I _abhor_ it. Now, get out, because I'm getting it changed."

"NO! DON'T CHANGE IT, SQUIDDY!" Spongebob wouldn't let go of my legs.

Finally, I got rid of him by kicking him out into the storm. After grabbing an umbrella and coat, I was on my way to the Nose Shop.

"Yes, can I help you?" the plastic surgeon greeted me.

"I need to take a look at your best noses."

The doctor disappeared and returned with a box.

"Here are some that may suit you," he opened it.

Out of all of them, there was a perfect one just for me. I picked it up, and queried, "Are you going to be able to dye it to my skin color?"

"Yes, and it's on the house since you're new to the store."

"Okay, I'm ready for my new nose, doctor."

Once a couple of hours passed, I was back at home, covered in bandages.

"I can't wait to see it! Hopefully it heals soon," I smiled excitedly.

"House Fancy" was on, which would help time fly. To make things better, it was the episode where I was told I would be crowned "House Fancy prince." Out of nowhere, the screen turned vermillion. Then, a familiar face appeared.

"HI SQUIDWARD!" Spongebob climbed out of the television.

"What? How the heck did you do that?"

He ignored my question and gasped again, "Is that your new nose?"

"What else would it be?"

Spongebob shrugged, "When can you take the bandages off?"

"I don't know . . . but I hope soon."

_I'm going to miss that bulbous nose so much, _Spongebob frowned, _but at least Squiddy is happy._ I decided to let Spongebob stay, as long as he didn't act like himself. We sat in silence for a while.

"Is it ready yet?" Spongebob asked.

"I don't think so."

"How about now?"

"No."

"Now?"

"NO! Don't start that with me, or I will kick you out into the storm again."

Eventually, my own curiosity got the best of me as I started to play with the white adhesive. I accidentally hurt myself in the process, "OUCH!"

"You've got to be more careful! At least you know that it still isn't healed," Spongebob smiled.

It was so odd how Spongebob just stood in the same spot, not even asking for a seat. _I'm surely not going to let him sit next to me._

"Don't you have to be back at home?" I broke the silence.

"No. I ate a while ago, and I really want to see your new sniffer!"

_Well, he's not going anywhere. Please heal quickly, new nose!_ "Hey Squiddy!"

"What?"

"Want to play a game?"

"No! I don't _like_ games."

"What do you want to do then?"

"I'm waiting for this to heal!"

The sponge sighed. _Maybe he'll get so bored that he'll let himself out._

"I'm sorry, but this is getting boring. We need to do something to pass the time!"

I sighed and gave up, "Fine."

"I spy with my little eye . . . something amazing."

"My pictures?"

"Nope!"

"The kitchen?"

"No!"

"Well, what is it?"

"It's _you_, Squidward!"

_Wow, I should've guessed he would say that._ "Your turn!"

"I spy with my little eye . . . something depressed."

"The sky?"

"No."

"The clouds?"

"No, that's basically the same answer."

"I can't think of anything else… what is it?"

"Me."

". . . Oh."

More silence. I started to play with the bandages again and it didn't hurt this time. "I think you can take it off now Squidward!"

Quickly, I unraveled my new nose like a present. Then, I ran to my bathroom and screamed: it was _just like _Spongebob's nose, except it had my skin tone. "How does it look, Squidward?" Spongebob called from where he had been standing the whole time.

"It's okay, I guess . . ."

I stepped back into the living room with my hands over my nose.

"Let me see!" Spongebob finally moved to right in front of me.

"No! It's too precious!"

Was that seriously all I could come up with?

"Quit messing around, Squiddy!"

I revealed it. Spongebob's smile grew even larger, if possible. "It's just like mine!"

"I guess so."

"Now we're twinning!"

I sighed. _It'll take a while until he stops mentioning it . . ._


End file.
